DEATH.NOTE

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The Carpenter

An elderly Carpenter was ready to retire. He told his Employer-Contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The Contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The Carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the Carpenter finished his work the builder came to inspect the house, the Contractor handed the front-door key to the Carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."

What a shock! What a shame! If he had only know he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none to well.

So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built. If we had realized, we would have done it differently.

Think of yourself as the Carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely. It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity. The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project."

Who could say it more clearly? Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life tommorrow will be the result of your attitudes and choices you make today.

DEATH.PEN 9:40 AM

SHMILY [Part 2]

I thought all the while that as old people, well you know, they'd be bored and all, so they played this to pass time. I thought this until that day...

One day, Grandmama died. Daddy said that she had died from a heart attack. I cried buckets and buckets. When we were accompanying her on her final journey, Pop wrote SHMILY onto the whole coffin and even the ribbon around it. It took him a few hours to do this but he still went strong and completed it. None of the undertakers or my family members stopped him. After Pop finished his deed, we sent her off. And then, for the first time in my 9 years in the world, I saw Pop cry.

Two years later, Pop also passed away due to a hole in the heart that only was discovered so late in his life. That night when Pop died, I had a vision. Grandmama and Pop had met up in Heaven. They were exchanging hugs and giving each other kisses. All around them, there were words in shining gold. When I looked closer, it said,

SHMILY.

I finally realised the meaning of the six letters. No matter who leaves this world first, no matter how far apart we are, I will never stop loving you.

See How Much I Love You.

DEATH.PEN 8:19 AM

SHMILY [Part 1]

You might think grandparents, grandfathers in particular, are boring and do not know how to play games. Well, this is definately not true. I know, because my own grandparents are so special.

Pop and Grandmama like to play this very special game that I think not many of you would have heard of. They like to play a very special version of hide-and-seek. Okay, maybe not really hide-and-seek. They like to write these six letters - SHMILY - onto wherever they can (especially their apartment) and let the other find where they have written these six letters.

Let me give you some examples: Pop will purposely climb up a ladder all the way up to Grandmama's bag shelf on the top cupboard of her wardrobe just to write these six letters. His back injury will act up on the way up but he still continues climbing. Just to write these six letters. Yes, you might think that this is ridiculous, and that is what I myself thought too. However, there was once when Pop fell off the ladder! Nevertheless, he picked himself up and started all over again, climbing to the top of the ladder. It was only after this, that I realised that these six letters - SHMILY - had a very very special meaning to it.

Another example: Grandmama will unroll the entire roll of toilet paper in the toilet and write SHMILY onto the last square of paper, and then roll it all back again. I have always offered to help her, but always been rejected. When I asked her what she was doing, she would always reply, "Jo, you're too young to understand. You will in the future."

This game played by Pop and Grandmama was quite fun to watch as they could write it any time of the day and practically anywhere! I heard from Uncle that they had been playing it since they had gotten married. I wondered why...

DEATH.PEN 8:16 AM

Sunday, November 20, 2005

“She drank herself to death”

When Sam Spady, 19, was a sophomore at Colorado State University, she was the life of the party-until that partying cut her life short.

Sam was well-known in her small hometown of Beatrice, Nebraska. After all, she was voted senior class president, cheerleading captain, and homecoming queen. She graduated with a 3.8 GPA and decided to leave Beatrice to attend Colorado State University.

“Sam lit up a room with her smile,” explains her best friend, Michelle.* “She was the person every girl wanted to be-and every guy wanted to talk to.” Once at CSU, Sam seemed to get invited to all the parties. In fact, she and Michelle were known for going to tons of frat parties together, having fun-and drinking a lot of alcohol along the way. “Students here drink to get wasted,” Michelle explains, “not just to get drunk.”

Party girl

On Saturday, September 4, 2004, Sam who had recently returned to CSU to being her sophomore year, couldn’t wait to see her friends. Just before 6p.m., she left her house to pick up Michelle and another friend, Mirna, and drive to a nearby barbecue. About an hour-and a few tequila shots-later, they headed to another party and continued to hang out and drink beer. Then at about 10.30p.m., Sam and Mirna headed off to another party.

It had started to rain heavily, and they got lost on the way to that party. Although Mirna says Sam didn’t seem drunk, she ran her car into a median and blew out two tyres. Sam called her parents to ask what to do, but they weren’t answering. So she called some friends, who picked them up. Together they went to about two more parties, and Mirna says Sam drank four or five more beers. At around 2.30a.m., they finally ended up at Sigma Pi frat house, where people were hanging out.

Sam and Mirna wandered into a guy’s room, where a group was sitting around. “You want a shot?” someone called out, then handed them a bottle of McCormick’s Vanilla Vodka. They spent the next few hours listening to music-and passing the bottle around.

By 5a.m., Mirna wanted to go home. “Sam, I’m tired,” she whined. “She’s too drunk-she can’t even walk,” replied Baylor, a frat brother whom Sam used to date. Sam tried to stand up-but she fell right back down. “She can stay here,” Baylor said. Though Mirna thought the frat house was too dirty to sleep in, she figured Baylor would take care of Sam. Baylor asked another guy to walk Sam to a spare room; Mirna followed them, then about 15 minutes later, she left.

Dead end

The next day, Michelle wanted to gossip with Sam. And Sam’s mum, Patty, wanted to find out what Sam ended up doing with the car. So they both kept calling her cell-but she didn’t pick up.

Around 6p.m., about 12 hours after Mirna left Sam at the fraternity house, a Sigma Pi member, Kris was giving his mother a tour of the frat house. He led his mum into a spare room-and suddenly stopped short. On the floor, he saw a girl on her knees with her arms to her sides, looking like she was about to throw up. “Hello?” “Hello?” he called out, as he went up and nudged her leg. But it felt rock hard. Kris yelled-and bolted to find another fraternity brother, who immediately called 911. The girl’s cell phone showed 27 missed calls.

About a half hour later, Michelle was driving to the supermarket when her cell rang. “Have you talk to Sam today?” one of her sorority sisters asked in a shaky voice. “I’ve called her a bunch of times. Why?” Michelle asked back. “Just come home-I’ll explain,” she responded. Michelle rushed to her sorority house, and as soon as she got there she ran inside to find several girls huddled in the formal room. “What’s going on?!” Michelle demanded.

“We don’t know anything for sure,” one of the girls said slowly. “But the body of a girl about 20 years old was found at Sigma Pi-people think it might be Sam.” Suddenly, Michelle burst out crying. Through her sobs, she kept trying to reach Sam on her cell phone.

By 9p.m. that night, Sam’s mum, Patty, still hadn’t heard back from her daughter, and she was getting really concerned. She went to bed-but she put her cell on a nightstand, so she wouldn’t miss Sam when she finally did call. A few hours later, Patty awoke to the sound of knocking on her home’s sliding door. Seconds later, her son’s friend, who was sleeping over, peeked his head in her room. “Patty,” he said, “there’s a policeman who wants to talk to you.” In a daze, Patty got up and walked to the door. “Do you have a daughter Samantha who attends CSU?” the officer asked gravely. Patty nodded, then her legs turned into jelly, and the policeman grabbed her before she fell to the ground. Her daughter was dead.

Afterlife

Patty had taught Sam to park in well-lit areas, never go to parties alone, and to keep an eye on her drink so no one could slip a drug in it. “But we never talked about drinking too much,” she says. Authorities estimated of 30 to 40 beers or shots over 12 hours-causing acute alcohol poisoning. Her body had just stopped functioning.

Within two weeks of Sam’s death, CSU organized a 29-member task force to examine drinking at their school. They stopped the sale of alcohol at football games, and the school’s Interfraternity Council banned alcohol in all fraternity houses. In addition, Sigma Pi National closed CSU’s Sigma Pi chapter. “But people still drink the same,” says Michelle. “Sam wasn’t the first to die of alcohol poisoning,” adds Sam’s mum, sadly, “… and she won’t be the last.”

*Name changed in the interest of privacy.

STAY IN CONTROL

If a drunk person either:

1) Can’t sit up to vomit.
2) Has cold skin or is taking under eight breaths a minute.
3) Can’t talk or has passed out call 995. While waiting for help to arrive, roll her on her side, tilt her chin up, and tuck her nearest hand under her head so she won’t choke on her vomit.

THE FACTS

1) Nearly 50% of people under the age of 21 who drink alcohol binge drink.
2) 500,000 students aged 18to24 are unintentionally injured every year under the influence of alcohol.
3) About 1,400 students aged 18 to 24 die each year from alcohol abuse.

BINGE DRINKING

What is it? According to the National Institute of Health, for most adult women, it’s having four or more alcoholic drinks within about two hours. For most adult men (who weigh more), it’s having five or more drinks.

DEATH.PEN 11:20 AM

Friday, November 18, 2005

“I caught my dad cheating on my mum”

Anna, 21, used to think her family was perfect-until she found out her father was lying to her. Here she explains how she’s dealing with her dad’s infidelity.

I’ll never saw two people closer than my parents were when I was younger. They held hands, took naps on the couch together, and went on Saturday night dates. Almost every day my dad would call my mum from work just to say hi. Then he’d call again on his way home, so we could all plan to have dinner together. Things just seemed perfect back then-but they say, nothing lasts forever.

A family secret

When I was 12, my family moved from upstate New York to Maryland, where things are a lot more expensive. My mom had to get a job, so she became a hotel manager and had to work past midnight every day, even on weekends. Since my mom was home a lot less, my dad decided to join a bowling league. At first it sounded like a great plan.

But then my dad, who was supposed to have just Wednesday night games, started spending three nights a week out with his friends- and I started to miss him. And my mom, who still got home later than my dad, began sleeping in the guest room so wouldn’t wake him. I definitely though my parents were being weird-but I was too embarrassed to ask about it. Then things started getting even stranger.

On night when I was 14, my boyfriend, Dale, and I were in my family room when my dad came in. “I’m running out,” he quickly said-and left. We were shocked! Sure my dad was spending more time out of the house, but he never left me along with guys. At first I thought that he was just starting to trust me more. But then one night a few weeks later he said he needed to go to the store, and left Dale and me alone again. About 15 minutes later Dale had to leave too, and happened to drive past my dad-who wasn’t at the store. Instead, he was around the corner from my house, on a pay phone!

Although I really wouldn’t let myself believe it, I was suddenly terrified that my dad was lying about where he was going all the time. So a few nights later, when my dad said he had to go to the store again, I pretended I had to go too. As we aimlessly wandered around Wal-Mart, it became obvious to me that neither of us needed to be there, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Finally we left-and as my dad pulled up in front of our house, he asked me to get out since he needed “to go get gas.” I quickly glanced at the dashboard-and noticed that the tank was almost full. I was speechless. I just really couldn’t believe that my father was lying to me. And I couldn’t help but think that maybe he was doing it because he was cheating on my mom.

The truth hurts

For about a year I was too scared to really admit to myself-or my mom-what I was thinking. But one day when I was 16, I was alone with my mom looking through old photos and I couldn’t deny any longer just how much our family had changed. I blurted out what had happened at Wal-Mart the year before-and that I was afraid my dad was cheating. Maybe my mom didn’t want to upset me any more than I already was, but somehow she stayed really clam and told me she’d actually been worrying about the same thing. We weren’t sure what to do next.

But then just one week later, this man came into my mom’s office. He had photos of his wife on vacation-with my dad. My mom stormed out of work, even though she had six hours left on her shift. She barged into the house-this time she was sobbing-and told me everything. Then she picked up the phone and dialed my dad’s work number. “I know!” she screamed-and slammed it down.

About half hour later my dad rushed into the house, sweating and crying. My mom couldn’t even speak, she was sobbing so hard. “How could you do this to us?!” I yelled at him. He was searching for words and all he could say was, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” My parents eventually went into their room, where I finally heard my mom scream, “Get out!” Minutes later my dad came out with a few bags. “Mom thinks it’s a good idea for me to leave,” he said. “Good!” I yelled. “I think you need to!” He was in tears, so all he could really do was to nod. It made me so upset to see my mom so distraught-I just didn’t want him to hurt her anymore.

Looking ahead

The same night my dad left, he called my mom, and they talked for hours. Believe it or not, she actually spent night after night on the phone with him-and even agreed to give him a second chance! But I still refused to talk to him. He’d try to call and speak to me, but whenever I’d see his number on the Caller ID, I wouldn’t answer. The whole thing made me so furious! My father had lied and cheated-and now my mom was forgiving him just like that?!

After about four months, my mom let my father move back home. At first I was still so angry I tried to ignore him. But he kept trying to talk to me-he’d say he knew he’s made a mistake and he was so sorry. Gradually it began sinking in that my dad wasn’t evil-he was just human. Somewhere along the way, my family had grown apart, and this was how he had reacted. Of course I wish he’d never cheated, but as odd as it may sound, it was his affair that ended up bringing us back together. Almost losing our family forced us to realize how important it actually was-and made us value it.

Today I feel lucky that my parents learned to make their relationship work again, and I’m glad that they got back together. But it’s still hard to get over some lingering effects of my dad’s cheating, like my fear that what happened to my mom could also happen to me. Even when I meet up great guys, I’m scared to let our relationship develop. I mean, why should I deserve any better than my mom?

But when I start to worry like that, I try to remember just how much respect I have for my parents and how much they’ve worked through their tough times. It reminds me that even if I struggle now and again, I know I can make it.

His Story

Anna’s father, Frank, 52, shares his regret.

Reliving this indiscretion and sharing it with others is hard, but it’s part of our lives and can’t be changed. I hurt and disappointed the two people I love more than anything, and I will carry that regret and sorrow for the rest of my life. Fortunately, they love me, and after working together, we are a happy family once again-perhaps even a little stronger and more appreciative of one another. I’m very proud of my wife and daughter and their loving hearts.

DEATH.PEN 9:54 PM