DEATH.NOTE

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Friends Forever?

Erum, 17, and her best friend were drifting apart. Little did they know that they needed to go their separate ways to become even closer.

As a young South Asian girl living in Port Jefferson, New York, I got used to being the only brown person at my school. But one winter morning in sixth grade, that changed. Our teacher stood in front, of the class with a Filipino girl I’d never seen before. “This is Nicole,” she told us. “She’ll be joining us this year.” Nicole was brown like me, and that made me feel an immediate connection to her. As soon as I saw her, I just knew that we would become great friends.

It didn’t take long for the two of us to figure out that our brown skin wasn’t the only thing we had in common. We both love poetry and music. We also came from similar families, so we really understood each other’s problems—and were able to help one another deal. For the next three years, Nicole and I were inseparable at school, and we’d spend hours talking on the phone every night. She was the only person I’d ever met who really, truly got me.

Growing apart~

When we got to high school in September 2001, I was really excited to meet new people. But Nicole was so shy—and she wanted to stick with our old crew. I couldn’t let her fears hold me back, so I began hanging out with a skater/alternative crowd—and Nicole and I started spending a lot less time together.

By junior year, our five-hours-a-night phone calls had dwindled down to quick conversations a few times a week. And I found myself making up reasons I my head why I didn’t want to be close with her anymore—like suddenly I thought her quiet nature was so annoying, or that I just couldn’t open up to her because we had become too different. Pretty soon, I felt awkward trying to force conversation and find random stuff to talk about with Nicole, that I just stopped calling her.

Then that spring, in 2003, my dad got sick. I was having a really hard time dealing with it—and the person I used to always go to in a difficult situation was Nicole. I knew other people had told her what was going on with me—I mean, a lot of people knew—but she never called me to ask if I was okay. And then it hit me: while my new friends were great, none of them understood me like Nicole did, I thought. How am I going to get through this without her? I felt totally alone. But I was too proud—and too hurt—to reach out to her. Instead, I acted like I didn’t know her when we’d pass each other in the hall at school.

Blowing up~

One night, about two months later, I was hanging out at home when the phone rang. It was Nicole. “I heard you were going through some stuff,” she said. “Yeah,” I replied in a cold, bitter voice. “It would’ve been nice if you’d been there for me!” Next thing I knew, we were screaming at each other. “Don’t even try that!” she yelled at me. “Why didn’t you come to me?” I couldn’t believe she didn’t get it: “I want my friends to come find out what’s wrong with me when I’m having a problem—that’s what friends so,” I insisted. “Well,” Nicole said, “Sometimes you get all protected and are too proud to show all your feelings.” Although I had convinced myself that Nicole just wasn’t the friend I used to know, at that moment I realized that she wasn’t the problem: I had refused to give her access. Nicole wanted to be there for me—but I wasn’t letting her.!

The fight was rough, but all that stuff came out because she did know me better than anyone else. When we finished talking, everything changed between us—we were closer than ever. And I realized that Nicole wasn’t the person I used to know—she was an even better friend that I had remember.

Nicole’s side…

Erum and I never fought like other girls did. Instead, when we had problems with each other, we pushed them aside and pretended they weren’t there. But looking back, I realize that’s not healthy at all—it wasn’t until we fought and let our true feelings out that we became closer.

DEATH.PEN 3:34 PM