DEATH.NOTE

Sunday, March 27, 2005

First love LOST

Kaitlin, 16, was thrilled when she started dating her first boyfriend—but then he broke her heart. How do you finally get over the first one?

On July 4 last year my friend Jen and I went to a nearby town to meet her cousin and some of her friends. As a big group of us sat on blankets and watched the fireworks, I kept staring at this one guy, Tim. He was talking to everyone and just seemed so comfortable and confident. During the night Tim and I made the connection that he lived on the same streets as my grandparents! He asked if we could exchanged phone numbers—I was so excited!

By the first week of school, Tim has asked me to be his girlfriend. Since we lived in different towns, he’d call me every day after school, but if I wasn’t there, he’d text me “just to say I miss you.” We also hung out whenever we could. On October 3, my 15th birthday, Tim even gave up a weekend trip with his friends to come to m party. That night, as we were outside my house, kissing he said, “Happy birthday—I love you.” It was my first time anyone had told me that, and I felt amazing. I’d never realized how much I could care about a guy—or how much someone could like me.

Losing everything~

One Sunday about two months later I called Tim, but he wasn’t home. So I IM’d our friend Joe to see if he knew where Tim was. Joe said that he didn’t, and then wrote, “You shouldn’t care about Tim so much.” I began panicking that he knew something I didn’t, so I asked him why he said that—but he said I needed to ask Tim. So I immediately caked Tim on his cell (thank God he answered) and asked him what Joe meant. At first he was silent, so I asked, “Is there something you don’t want me to find out?” He slowly said, “Um, I hooked up with another girl.” I was so hurt and furious—I didn’t know if I should hang up and cry, or scream! But Tim didn’t give me a chance to do either. Right away he said, “I wasn’t thinking—I really love you, Kaitlin. I want to keep going out.”

I really loved Tim and couldn’t picture life without him. It turned out he’d hooked up just one time with this girl he barely knew, so I forgave him. But then two months later, he began hanging out with this girl, Morgan, almost every day after school. One night, on the phone I told Tim I didn’t like it. I expected him to apologized—but instead he got mad at me for being clingy! Then I got mad at him for trying to make me feel like the problem. As I tried to get Tim to see my way, he said, “I don’t care anymore—it’s over.” I was so frustrated that I said, “Fine!”

But reliving everything with my friends the next day at lunch made it sink in that our relationship was actually over—and I began to feel depressed and really insecure. I started to panic: How would I get through the weekends without looking forward to our weekends together? I know it sounds pathetic, but even after Tim cheated on me and dumped me, I still really wanted to be with him—I kept thinking of how special he used to male me feel. I was so desperate for our old relationship that I called him almost a day for the next month. But he’d just say, “What do you want me to do, Kaitlin?” I’d even do things like go to the mall after I heard he was there, hoping to “run into” him—but I never did.

Picking up the pieces~

I haven’t see Tim since we broke up 10 months ago, mostly because he hasn’t wanted to see me—which used to make me feel bad about myself. But at least not seeing Tim helped me forget him and move on. When you fail in love, you think you can’t live without your boyfriend. But sometimes, you have no choice.

…what do you think?

“I really hope I never get my heart broken like that again. Did your first love end up like mine? How did you get over it? Did you end up with an even better boyfriend? That’s what I’m hoping for!”

DEATH.PEN 4:21 PM