DEATH.NOTE

Monday, March 28, 2005

“I have two weeks to live”

Katrina, 20, battled cancer for six years—then she learned she was dying, she wanted to share her story with you in the little she had left.

I’ll live in Fort Pierce, Florida, right on the water. I grew up here with my parents and my twin sister, Tanya. We’re fraternal twins and we’re actually really different—I’m quiet and sensitive; Tanya is energetic and outgoing. But it’s true: Being a twin is a bond like no other. It’s like having a permanent, built-in best friend. Tanya and I shared absolutely everything—up until the day I learned I had cancer.

A mysterious pain~

In the fall of 1998, we were both freshmen on our high school volleyball team. Then, one day during practice, someone spiked the ball, and when I dove to get it, I landed on my knee. It really hurt, but I just kind of walked it off, thinking I’d pulled a muscle. But the pain didn’t go away. Instead, it got worse. My knee throbbed all the time, and over the next few weeks, I had trouble walking on it.

Then, on November 7, I was sitting down and touch my knee—it was hot! I’d never had anything like that happen to me, so I got scared. I went to get my parents. “Mum, this is something big,” I said when we sat down at the table. “I don’t know what—I just have this bad feeling.” She could tell I was panicked, so she called to make an appointed with my dad’s orthopedist.

A scary diagnosis

At my appointment, the doctor took X-rays. When he examined the results, I could tell by the look on his face that something was really wrong. “Katrina, it’s serious,” he said. “You have a tumor.” Cancer. My mind started to race—I never thought that word would apply to me. The doctor referred us to a specialist in Gainesville, Florida. While my parents talked about that on the way home, I sat in the back, quiet.

When we got there, we sat down in the living room. Even though I was trying to keep myself together, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Why me?” I said, over and over. “Why me?” It seemed so unfair. When I started to cry, Tanya did too. Then my dad. We all hugged for hours.

Starting chemo~

The next day, my mum drove me to Gainesville to have biopsy surgery. When I woke up, the doctor was standing over me. “Katrina, the tumor is malignant,” he said gently. “You have bone cancer.” Terrified, I asked, “What’s going to happen to me?” He said, “We’re going to try to get you healed.” Then a bunch of nurses came in and someone was rubbing cream on my arm—I was getting chemo right away. That’s when I understood how serious the cancer was. I wanted to do whatever I could to get rid of it, but as I watched the nurses put on gloves and gowns to protect themselves from the chemicals, I thought, if they have to do that, what is it going on to do to my body?

Fighting for my life~

I started throwing up right away. Then my hair fell out. But the chemo worked: when I went in a month later, the tumor was gone and I went back to my life.

Then, this spring, I went in for routine X-rays to make sure I was still in remission. I wasn’t worried—I felt fine. But on my X-ray was another tumor! I flew to Texas for the first of five different surgeries. Over the next four years, as soon as I’d recover, a new tumor would appear. It was hard to be positive, but it also made me more determined to fight.

In May, we sailed to our best friend Kacy’s house, in the Florida Keys, for Tanya’s and my 20th birthday. We spent all day in the water—and for the first time in a while, I didn’t worry about anything. But then, on our second day, I was snorkelling, and I got chest pains so bad I barely made it to the boat. By then, I knew what those pains meant: My cancer was back. We rushed home.

This time, the tumor was as big as a grapefruit. “It’s inoperable.” The doctor said—the tumor was too close to my heart. At that point, I wanted to do anything I could. I even got on a waiting list for a type of chemo that had only been tested on animals. But it was too late. In mid-June my doctor said I only had weeks left. He sent me home to be with my family. But I’m not ready to die. The sign on my wall says, “Lord, cast this cancer into the sea.” I read it every morning and pray He will. I will have faith, and I’m hoping for a miracle.

Losing Katrina~

Saying good-bye to my twin:

Katrina passed away on August 7, last year. She fought for six years and even in the end, she was still more worried about us—who I’d marry, how many kids Kacy would have—than herself. She wanted to be sure we’d all be okay.

Keeping her close:

She’ll be my twin forever: There’s a part of her in me, and I still feel her presence around me all the time. But I’m so lonely. I watch all the stupid reality show she made me sit through. I know she’d want me to keep up for her.

Planning for my future:

We both loved the ocean, so I’m studying marine biology at college. Now they are doing research on marine life that may lead to a cure for cancer. I want to be part of it—and make Katrina proud of me.

DEATH.PEN 2:02 PM

Opposites attract

Do you have a particular “type” of guy that you always go for? Kelly, 21, did—until she realized the benefits of dating someone totally different.

I always went out with the preppy guys—the goody-goody types who wear American Eagle Outfitters and get straight A’s. They were the guys that I felt comfortable with—they looked and acted like me. And let just say that Bobby was not one of those guys.

“I INGORED HIM”~

In high school, Bobby and I went to the same church, but that’s where our similarities ended. He played in a rock band, wasn’t into school, and had a three-inch tall Mohawk; I was three years younger, in the marching band, and got mostly A’s. but he was still kind of cute and funny—and I had fun flirting with him. Even so, when he finally left for college (a full two years after graduating high school), we didn’t keep in touch at all.

A year later, I was a freshman at Indiana University. I didn’t even remember that Bobby was at IU—until he emailed me my first month there and invited me over. I though it was nice of him to get in touch, so I went. But his house was gross: There was food on the floor and posters of pot leaves plastered on the walls. It freaked me out, so I left a half hour. And the next time he e-mailed me, I didn’t even reply.

Over the next year or so, I dated my usual smart, preppy guys—but they ended up being more into school than me. And all that time Bobby kept e-mailing me and asking me to hang out when he’d see me on campus. I knew he was being friendly, but you know… how you can tell when a guy wants to be more than friends? That’s how it felt with Bobby. I liked him, but I wasn’t interested in him that way. So I ignored his invites—I didn’t want to encourage him.

But by the end of my sophomore year, u started to feel bad about brushing Bobby off since he was always so nice, so I invited him to have dinner with me and my roommates. They loved him, and when he left, they were like, “You guys have to go.” My gut reaction was, “Are you kidding?!” I mean, we couldn’t be more different: He had six tattoos and was a total slacker—he took only two classes a semester, when I had five.

“I WAS AN IDOIT”~

After that dinner, my roommates started inviting Bobby over—even when I wasn’t there. He’d send me flowers and leave burned CDs for me in my room, but I still considered us “just good friends.” Yet I was starting to get weirdly jealous when my roommates spent more time with him than I did….

Even though I didn’t want to date Bobby, we were eve closer. We’d have long talks, and I learned so much about him. I had thought he did drugs but found out that he was really just overwhelmed with emotional stuff after his younger sister died. That’s also why he only took two classes at a time. As we spent more time together, I stopped seeing Bobby as this rebel type. He wasn’t dumb or a slacker—Bobby was a real thinking and feeling guy.

One night I went with Bobby to hear a band play, and I watched him joking, smiling and laughing with everyone. I suddenly felt like such an idiot! Bobby was the nicest person I’d ever been around and he genuinely cared about me. So why was I holding back? As soon as I realized how blind I’d been, I grabbed his hand and told him I was falling in love with him.

“I’M IN LOVE”~

Bobby and I have been together for a year now. Yes, on the outside we look like the kind of couple that only a reality show would put together. But I love how we balanced each other on the inside: He’s so easy-going, that he gets me to slow down when I take my work too seriously, and I’ve helped him to focus on school. I don’t know what’ll happen to us when we leave campus, but I’ll do anything to make this work.

…what Bobby says~

“I pursued Kelly for so long because she had all these qualities that I admired: She’s brilliant, beautiful, sweet, ambitious and really funny. I felt like I could be with her for a whole lifetime without a dull moment passing.” Aww!

DEATH.PEN 12:27 PM

Sunday, March 27, 2005

First love LOST

Kaitlin, 16, was thrilled when she started dating her first boyfriend—but then he broke her heart. How do you finally get over the first one?

On July 4 last year my friend Jen and I went to a nearby town to meet her cousin and some of her friends. As a big group of us sat on blankets and watched the fireworks, I kept staring at this one guy, Tim. He was talking to everyone and just seemed so comfortable and confident. During the night Tim and I made the connection that he lived on the same streets as my grandparents! He asked if we could exchanged phone numbers—I was so excited!

By the first week of school, Tim has asked me to be his girlfriend. Since we lived in different towns, he’d call me every day after school, but if I wasn’t there, he’d text me “just to say I miss you.” We also hung out whenever we could. On October 3, my 15th birthday, Tim even gave up a weekend trip with his friends to come to m party. That night, as we were outside my house, kissing he said, “Happy birthday—I love you.” It was my first time anyone had told me that, and I felt amazing. I’d never realized how much I could care about a guy—or how much someone could like me.

Losing everything~

One Sunday about two months later I called Tim, but he wasn’t home. So I IM’d our friend Joe to see if he knew where Tim was. Joe said that he didn’t, and then wrote, “You shouldn’t care about Tim so much.” I began panicking that he knew something I didn’t, so I asked him why he said that—but he said I needed to ask Tim. So I immediately caked Tim on his cell (thank God he answered) and asked him what Joe meant. At first he was silent, so I asked, “Is there something you don’t want me to find out?” He slowly said, “Um, I hooked up with another girl.” I was so hurt and furious—I didn’t know if I should hang up and cry, or scream! But Tim didn’t give me a chance to do either. Right away he said, “I wasn’t thinking—I really love you, Kaitlin. I want to keep going out.”

I really loved Tim and couldn’t picture life without him. It turned out he’d hooked up just one time with this girl he barely knew, so I forgave him. But then two months later, he began hanging out with this girl, Morgan, almost every day after school. One night, on the phone I told Tim I didn’t like it. I expected him to apologized—but instead he got mad at me for being clingy! Then I got mad at him for trying to make me feel like the problem. As I tried to get Tim to see my way, he said, “I don’t care anymore—it’s over.” I was so frustrated that I said, “Fine!”

But reliving everything with my friends the next day at lunch made it sink in that our relationship was actually over—and I began to feel depressed and really insecure. I started to panic: How would I get through the weekends without looking forward to our weekends together? I know it sounds pathetic, but even after Tim cheated on me and dumped me, I still really wanted to be with him—I kept thinking of how special he used to male me feel. I was so desperate for our old relationship that I called him almost a day for the next month. But he’d just say, “What do you want me to do, Kaitlin?” I’d even do things like go to the mall after I heard he was there, hoping to “run into” him—but I never did.

Picking up the pieces~

I haven’t see Tim since we broke up 10 months ago, mostly because he hasn’t wanted to see me—which used to make me feel bad about myself. But at least not seeing Tim helped me forget him and move on. When you fail in love, you think you can’t live without your boyfriend. But sometimes, you have no choice.

…what do you think?

“I really hope I never get my heart broken like that again. Did your first love end up like mine? How did you get over it? Did you end up with an even better boyfriend? That’s what I’m hoping for!”

DEATH.PEN 4:21 PM

Friends Forever?

Erum, 17, and her best friend were drifting apart. Little did they know that they needed to go their separate ways to become even closer.

As a young South Asian girl living in Port Jefferson, New York, I got used to being the only brown person at my school. But one winter morning in sixth grade, that changed. Our teacher stood in front, of the class with a Filipino girl I’d never seen before. “This is Nicole,” she told us. “She’ll be joining us this year.” Nicole was brown like me, and that made me feel an immediate connection to her. As soon as I saw her, I just knew that we would become great friends.

It didn’t take long for the two of us to figure out that our brown skin wasn’t the only thing we had in common. We both love poetry and music. We also came from similar families, so we really understood each other’s problems—and were able to help one another deal. For the next three years, Nicole and I were inseparable at school, and we’d spend hours talking on the phone every night. She was the only person I’d ever met who really, truly got me.

Growing apart~

When we got to high school in September 2001, I was really excited to meet new people. But Nicole was so shy—and she wanted to stick with our old crew. I couldn’t let her fears hold me back, so I began hanging out with a skater/alternative crowd—and Nicole and I started spending a lot less time together.

By junior year, our five-hours-a-night phone calls had dwindled down to quick conversations a few times a week. And I found myself making up reasons I my head why I didn’t want to be close with her anymore—like suddenly I thought her quiet nature was so annoying, or that I just couldn’t open up to her because we had become too different. Pretty soon, I felt awkward trying to force conversation and find random stuff to talk about with Nicole, that I just stopped calling her.

Then that spring, in 2003, my dad got sick. I was having a really hard time dealing with it—and the person I used to always go to in a difficult situation was Nicole. I knew other people had told her what was going on with me—I mean, a lot of people knew—but she never called me to ask if I was okay. And then it hit me: while my new friends were great, none of them understood me like Nicole did, I thought. How am I going to get through this without her? I felt totally alone. But I was too proud—and too hurt—to reach out to her. Instead, I acted like I didn’t know her when we’d pass each other in the hall at school.

Blowing up~

One night, about two months later, I was hanging out at home when the phone rang. It was Nicole. “I heard you were going through some stuff,” she said. “Yeah,” I replied in a cold, bitter voice. “It would’ve been nice if you’d been there for me!” Next thing I knew, we were screaming at each other. “Don’t even try that!” she yelled at me. “Why didn’t you come to me?” I couldn’t believe she didn’t get it: “I want my friends to come find out what’s wrong with me when I’m having a problem—that’s what friends so,” I insisted. “Well,” Nicole said, “Sometimes you get all protected and are too proud to show all your feelings.” Although I had convinced myself that Nicole just wasn’t the friend I used to know, at that moment I realized that she wasn’t the problem: I had refused to give her access. Nicole wanted to be there for me—but I wasn’t letting her.!

The fight was rough, but all that stuff came out because she did know me better than anyone else. When we finished talking, everything changed between us—we were closer than ever. And I realized that Nicole wasn’t the person I used to know—she was an even better friend that I had remember.

Nicole’s side…

Erum and I never fought like other girls did. Instead, when we had problems with each other, we pushed them aside and pretended they weren’t there. But looking back, I realize that’s not healthy at all—it wasn’t until we fought and let our true feelings out that we became closer.

DEATH.PEN 3:34 PM

Natural Born Killer

When Tiffany was 12, she fell in love with 19-year-old Tony. Their parents tired to keep them apart – which lead the couple to do the unthinkable.

About a month before Christmas in 2003, Tiffany Kauv, a 12-year-old from San Jose, California, was typing her wish list: Old Navy cardigan ($18), low-rider Dickies ($38), and a heart necklace ($275). Next to the necklace, she wrote, “reserved for Tony,” so Anthony “Tony” Chargualaf, her 19-year-old boyfriend, would know to buy it. It was obvious that Tony was willing to make Tiffany happy – at any cost.

LONELY HEART~

Tiffany, a seventh-grader at Piedmont Middle School, was a mostly A student and sang in the choir. She had lots of friends and lived with her mum, her 17-year-old brother and her grandparents. But on Friday, October 10, 2003, Tiffany sat down at her computer and wrote in her online diary: “The way I’m feeling is horrible.”

Tiffany was beginning to spend a lot of time on the Internet and phone – and less time with her family. “I always have the feeling that I’m not wanted,” she wrote. But her mum didn’t realize that – and she was getting annoyed with Tiffany for choosing to keep to herself so much. On Sunday, October 19, Tiffany was on the phone with a friend, as usual, when her mum finally yanked out the cord. “Who’s so important?!” she demanded to know. Tiffany though to herself, Just because you don’t have a life, you don’t have to ruin mine!

FORRBIDEN LOVE~

One day in mid-October, Tiffany was at the mall when some friends introduced her to Tony, a cashier they knew at CyberHunt, an Internet Café where they all hung out. Tony was a lonely kid, just like Tiffany. He spent most of his youth shuttling back and forth between his father near Tacoma, Washington, and his mother in Milpitas, California, where he was now living. After Tony and Tiffany met, the two started e-mailing and chatting online. By November, they were calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. But Tiffany’s mum forbade them to have a relationship because of their big age gap difference. Still, as often as possible, they’d meet at the mall. Tony even came to Tiffany’s school to see her between classes.

In May, Tiffany had a school trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain, and Tony met her there – it was a unique chance for them to spend the whole day together. But when chaperones noticed him hugging Tiffany, they reported it to the principle, who notified Tiffany’s mum.

A few nights later, Tiffany heard her mum talking to her aunt, saying she wanted Tony in jail. After snooping her mum had found some pictures of the couple kissing, which might help prove Tony’s illegal relationship with her underage daughter. Panicked, Tiffany immediately contacted Tony. “Let’s run away!” she said.

GROWING DESPERATION~

Terrified that he and Tiffany might be separated, Tong stole his mum’s credit card, brought two plane tickets to Hawaii, and they took off. Tiffany’s mum noticed her daughter was missing. But it wasn’t until four days later that Tony’s mum tracked them down on his cell. “What’s going on?” she asked. “We ran away,” he replied. Then he said was so desperate to be with Tiffany that they were going to jump off a mountain so they could die together.

Upon hearing that, Tony’s mum hung up, horrified, and called the Hawaii police department. Using information from her credit-card bill, they busted Tony and Tiffany in their hotel room a few hours later. “Pack your bags,” an officer said. “You won’t be coming back.”

Later that night, Tiffany was sent against her will to her mum in California. Tony was held in a Hawaiian jail until he was released a few days later, in early June, pending investigation for child rape. Once he got back home, he was scared that the police would charge him – and he’d lose Tiffany for good. So together they made a new plan. The next Saturday morning, Tony stole his stepdad’s Toyota truck, picked up Tiffany at her home, and they fled again – this time to Tony’s father home in University Place, Washington. Even though Tony’s father, Anthony Chargualaf, had heard about Tony’s illegal trip to Hawaii, he welcomed the pair and set up a mattress for them in his living room.

But for some reason, Tony didn’t reciprocate his father’s generosity. Later that week he stole his father’s credit cards and took Tiffany shopping for new clothes and a haircut. Within hours, Chargualaf’s credit-card company called him, asking about unusual activity.

Later that evening, Tony spoke to his father on the phone. “Get over here and get your stuff!” Chargualaf screamed. He knew that Tony had stolen from him – and he wanted him out. When Tony arrived, his father had already piled up all his clothes. “Give me my key,” Chargualaf said coldly. Knowing full well why his father was so mad, Tony simply handed it over and left.

Over the next few days, Tony’s other relatives from the area let the couple stay with them, not realizing how young Tiffany was. But then, Tony’s uncle told him about Chargualaf was planning to call the police and report that his son was dating a minor. So once again, Tony panicked. He knew that he had to stop his father – or risk losing the love of his life. So at 2 p.m. on June 25, he and Tiffany drove back to his father’s home.

NECESSARY EVIL~

While Tiffany waited down the street in the truck, Tony pried open his father’s window and entered the empty apartment. He brought two knives with him, but he also looked around the apartment for more – and found a machete to place by his side.

After about an hour of silently waiting in the living room, Tony heard his father’s footsteps on the gravel outside, approaching the apartment. As the door opened, Tony kept his two knifes in his pockets. Chargualaf spotted his son – and immediately yelling at him. “What are you doing?!” he screamed. “You are dating a 13-year-old!” Suddenly wild with anger, Tony pulled one of the knives and lunged toward his father, stabbing him in the neck.

Chargualaf began bleeding as he tried to fight back. He grabbed the machete that Tony had placed in the living room and used it to hit his son on the top of the head. But then – Tony grabbed his father’s neck and started to choking him – until Chargualaf managed to use the machete to cut a huge gash in his son’s leg. But Tony was able to pry the weapon out of his father’s hand – and began beating his dad over the head with it.

Within minutes, the two burst outside through the front door, where Tony continued to beat his father – until Chargualaf finally slumped over into a bush, twitching. As Tony watched his father take his last few breaths, he called down the street to Tiffany, “Babe?!”

She got out of the truck and walked towards them, where she saw Tony – and his father’s body – covered in blood. Tiffany says she was shocked – yet she didn’t flee. Instead she stood by. Tony dragged Chargualaf inside. “Can you help me clean the house?” Tony asked Tiffany. “Yeah,” she said, cringing.

Likely in shock over what they’d just done, they took a few days to buy cleaning supplies, plastic storage bins, and an electric saw that Tony planned to use to cut the body into pieces before disposing it in the plastic bins. That week after the murder, they had dinner together at Red Robin – where Tony finally broke down. “I feel bad about killing my dad.” He said quietly. Tiffany looked down at her hamburger and was reminded about the rancid smell of blood in the house. She felt like she was going to throw up.

On July 1, the odour in Chargualaf’s home got so bad that Gerard Sullivan, an owner of the chiropractic office above the apartment, called the landlord. After the two men decided to let themselves into the empty apartment, Sullivan noticed plastic around the rotting corpse, which the kids still hadn’t cut up. They immediately flagged down a police cruiser passing by.

Shortly after, Tiffany and Tony were on their way back to Chargualaf’s home when they spotted the police car out front. Panicked once again, they drove past the building without stopping. They had nowhere left to go, so they randomly decided to drive to Florida. Six days later, as Tiffany and Tony were in a hotel in Missoula, Montana, on their way east, police, were tracking them by their credit-card purchases, arrested them.

LASTING CONSEQUENCES~

Tony and Tiffany were brought to the local police station, where Tony confessed to the murder. “Did you go with the idea that you wanted a confrontation with your dad?” detectives asked. “I didn’t want it to happen, but then, like, in order to be with Tiffany, yeah,” he said. Detectives interviewed Tiffany separately. “Did you ever think about calling 911?” they asked. “Yeah… but I was kind of runaway, so I would get in trouble and I was frighten,” she said. The she asked, “I can’t see (Tony)?” The answer was a resounding no.

After spending 15 days in juvenile detention, Tiffany was sent home to her mum in San Jose, where she stayed until her September 27 sentencing hearing for providing criminal assistance to Tony. Her eyes darted nervously as her lawyer coached her through statement. “I apologized for all the mistakes I’ve done,” she said quickly. Then the judge sentenced her to 15 more days in a juvenile detention centre.

Meanwhile Tony remained in Jail, where he pleaded guilty to first-degree murder and second-degree child rape. On October 15, 2004, he was sentenced to serve 285 months in prison – more than 23 years. “I just wish it never happened,” he told investigators. “Did you love your dad?” they asked. “Yes,” he replied. “But the reason this happened is because that love for Tiffany was the most important thing?” they pressed, in hopes of understanding his motives. “Yeah,” he said. But now, as Tiffany resumes her life – going to the 8th grade, even meeting new boys – she is forbidden by law to have any contact with Tony. And Tony just sits alone behind bars, paying for his heinous crime of passion.

DEATH.PEN 1:18 PM